


Black Ice

by isabeau



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Remix, Episode: s06e04 Frozen, Kinda old fic (pre-2005), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-01
Updated: 2005-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-18 07:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/186496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabeau/pseuds/isabeau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I still maintain that Jack would never voluntarily consent to being a Tok'ra -- but that Daniel might.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Black Ice

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the sixth-season episode Frozen, wherein (among other things) Jack agrees to be Tok'ra'ed. It saves him from death, but I couldn't shake the rather irritated feeling that Jack would in no way consent to being a Tok'ra, even at the cost of his own life. And then a quiet little whisper in the back of my brain said that Daniel, on the other hand, would. This fic began with random snippets, and it was about 95% done by the time I figured out that I was actually writing it...

"We can do nothing."

Jack was hardly surprised -- they were Tok'ra, after all, and when did the Tok'ra do anything except what was in their best interest? -- but he still found himself getting cranky. This was Daniel, after all. "Can't you just... wave your magic doohickey and heal him?"

The Tok'ra representative, Thoran, gave him a scornful look. "The hand devices are not 'magic', Colonel O'Neill, nor do they have unlimited powers. He is too ill for us to heal him in that manner."

"And I don't suppose you've got a sarcophagus," Jack said, half-sarcastically.

"We do not use sarcophagi," Thoran answered. "However, there is one possibility. One of our symbiotes is in need of a host, as his previous was mortally wounded on the last assignment. The symbiote was unable to heal him; however, we believe it would work in this situation. Illness is far easier to heal than physical trauma. We could attempt a temporary joining between Doctor Jackson and that symbiote, long enough to cure him--"

"No," Jack said.

"Colonel," Hammond said warningly; at the same time, Carter insisted, "Sir, we should hear him out."

The Tok'ra inclined his head slightly and continued his explanation. "Normally, when a symbiote and a host join together, it is essentially permanent: they remain blended until one of them dies. Becoming a host to a Tok'ra is not a light decision. However, this situation is as unusual for us as it is for you, and we are willing to consider a temporary arrangement: Let Kanan enter Daniel Jackson for long enough to cure his illness, and for us to find a replacement host for him; we would then be willing to transfer Kanan to the new host, and return Daniel Jackson to you."

"I thought that wasn't possible!" Carter, when Jack gave her a sharp curious glance, looked slightly embarrassed at her outburst. She elaborated, as much to Jack as to Thoran, "When Dad joined with Selmac, they told us that it couldn't be temporary, remember? That they couldn't just put Selmac in temporarily without killing them both."

Thoran regarded her for a moment before answering. "What you were told is essentially correct. A symbiote is gravely weakened by the transfer process, and doing it twice in a short period can be incredibly dangerous. Selmac was already exhausted from her host's illness and would not have survived a second attempt. Kanan is younger and healthier and more likely to recover. Assuming we can find a suitable replacement host, the chances of him surviving another transfer are good. Not perfect - he may still die - but he might live."

"And if you can't find a suitable replacement host?" Hammond asked.

"We are aware that Daniel Jackson is not Tok'ra and is not interested in being Tok'ra long-term. I know the symbiote quite well, and I am certain that he would prefer to sacrifice himself, rather than remain in an unwilling host."

Jack had been silent, if a bit resentfully, throughout most of this. He spoke now, a bit impatiently. "Why go to all this trouble? You're risking a lot here, and you don't even *like* us."

Thoran almost smiled at that, but it was as much scorn as humor. "We may be risking much, but we also have much to gain. Kanan is... His former host was mortally wounded in an undercover mission. We believe that Kanan carries vital information; we can only question him when he has a host to speak through. If we cannot find a host in enough time to transfer him from Daniel Jackson, then we would not be able to find a host at all without your assistance. This way, no matter what happens, we can get the information we need. And I need not explain how you benefit from this arrangement." He paused, and then smiled faintly. "I will leave you to discuss this amongst yourselves. Please inform me when you have reached a decision." With another of his thin, arrogant smiles, he left the room.

"I still say no," Jack said, as soon as the Tok'ra was gone.

Hammond frowned. "Ultimately, Colonel, it is not your decision."

"Whose is it? Yours, or his?" Jack gestured vaguely in the direction of the infirmary. "I know *he* would say no, too. Daniel *hates* the Goa'uld."

Sam looked away. "Tok'ra aren't Goa'uld, sir."

"They're snakeheads, Carter. They may claim to be nicer, but--"

"--But they do have *something* that can help." Sam's voice was tight with pent-up emotion. "Sir, this may be our only chance to save him."

"Save--?" Jack repeated bitterly. "We're not saving him here, Carter, we're putting a *Tok'ra* in his head."

"It'll keep him alive," Sam insisted. "It's Daniel's choice, sir. It's Daniel's *life*."

"Okay, fine, let's ask him."

"If he says yes," Hammond said to Jack, "will you allow us to do this?"

It sounded more like an order than a true question. Stiffly, wanting to say no, Jack said, "Yes, sir."

* * *

"Daniel?" Sam, in one of the bulky environment suits they had gotten far too much use out of the past few days, hovered beside the hospital bed. Jack remained in the observation area behind the window, watching and waiting and worrying. "Daniel, I don't know if you can hear me, but I need you to listen if you can. The Tok'ra have a symbiote that needs a host; they're offering him to us, so he can heal you. It would only be a temporary situation until they find a new host--"

Jack, under his breath, made a disparaging comment about the Tok'ra and their honor and trustworthiness.

"-- and it may be your only chance," Sam continued. "But we need your permission, Daniel, otherwise we won't do anything."

Daniel was still and silent for a very long time, and Sam shot an uncertain look back at Jack; but then Daniel stirred, red-rimmed eyes cracking open. "What..." His voice, slightly muffled by the oxygen mask, was hoarse and shaky. "What other choices?"

Sam glanced back at Jack again, and hesitated for a long moment, obviously struggling with what to say and how to say it. Jack knew what her answer would be -- but to his surprise, he found the words coming out of his own mouth. "Nothing certain."

"What the Tok'ra are offering," Sam added, "isn't a guarantee. They're pretty sure symbiotes can heal illness, even something as --" She cut herself off. Jack mentally added the words *as advanced as yours is*. "But they don't make promises. On the other hand, what we can do..." She shook her head. "We can wait it out and hope you get better, but given this thing's history..."

Given this thing's history, Jack finished silently, it wouldn't get better.

Given this thing's history, Daniel would die.

Daniel's eyes fluttered closed. For a moment, it seemed like he'd slipped back into unconsciousness; but then he murmured, "Do it."

Jack's hands clenched into fists, but when Sam glanced back at him, he just nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

* * *

Jack didn't allow himself to react until they got outside, at which point he slammed his hand against the wall of the corridor, hard enough to hurt. "*Damn* it."

"It was his choice," Sam said quietly.

"I know that. And he chose. It's just..." He couldn't come up with the right words, so he punched the wall again, the pain a welcome distraction.

"It'll be okay, sir."

"Okay? *Okay*? Daniel's going to be a damn *snakehead*. It's everything we've fought against, everything *he's* fought against." Carter flinched and looked away; belatedly, Jack remembered. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't think. Your father's a great guy, even as a Tok'ra. It's just -- it's *different*."

"Is it?"

"Yeah." Because it was *Daniel*, Jack explained silently. His hand was throbbing, the skin over the knuckles split, and he looked down at it, dispassionately, like it was someone else's hand.

Carter didn't press for anything further. All she said was, "Daniel wants to live, sir."

"And I want him to live too. You think I don't? But I want him to be *Daniel*, not some..." Frustrated, Jack shook his head.

"The Tok'ra have promised that if they can't find another host and if Daniel doesn't want to remain blended, Kanan will sacrifice himself."

"Sure. You believe the Tok'ra?" Jack held her gaze for a long moment. "I sure as hell don't."

"Yeah. I do." Sam didn't look away. "I have to. I don't have any other choice."

* * *

Three Tok'ra came to take Daniel through the Gate, carried between them in one of the Air Force's contained environment rescue units. Although more than half of it was bright red, it still somehow looked far too much like a coffin. Jack watched it disappear into the wormhole, feeling sick, like he'd just watched one of his men die.

Perhaps he had.

* * *

Daniel came back two days later. He was still pale and a bit shaky, but at least he was *alive*; and at least he was walking, even if he did so leaning on the Tok'ra escorting him.

"Welcome back, Doctor Jackson," Hammond said. "I'd like you to report to the infirmary, if you don't mind."

Daniel gave the ghost of a smile, nodded, and murmured something to his escort, who gave a quiet laugh and murmured something back. Jack's eyes narrowed slightly at that. Daniel didn't seem to notice.

Doctor Fraiser ran the usual regimen of post-mission tests on Daniel, plus a few more for good measure. The first MRI showed a symbiote twined around Daniel's spine; her hand was halfway to the alarm button before Jack could blink. She stopped herself just short of the button, and laughed. "Habit," she said to Daniel in apology. "I'm sorry. How are you feeling?"

"Fine. I'm...fine." Daniel sounded almost distant, like he wasn't really thinking about it. "Doesn't even hurt."

Fraiser poked him for a while longer, then shrugged and stepped back. "Aside from the symbiote, I can't find anything wrong. In fact, you're in better shape than you probably should be, given how you looked a few days ago. There are no residual traces of the virus whatsoever; it's like you were never sick."

Daniel's expression was blank, almost uninterested; he didn't reflect Fraiser's enthusiasm. She narrowed her eyes speculatively, and then said, "I'll want to run some more tests on you tomorrow; but for now I want you to stay here and get some rest. Colonel, make sure Daniel rests, all right?"

Automatically, Jack protested, "Me? Why *me*?" Fraiser gave him a don't-argue-with-me look, and he raised his hands in surrender. "Yeah, sure."

"Sit on him if you have to," Fraiser said with a smile.

Daniel finally showed a flicker of emotion, giving Fraiser a look that was both amused and annoyed; she grinned at him and left. Jack stepped closer to the bed. "Hey," he said softly. "How're you doing?"

"Okay, I guess." He met Jack's gaze, and for just a moment there was a flicker of uneasy emotion in his eyes. The next moment it was hidden again. "Better than I was three days ago, at least."

"Glad to hear it." Jack felt vaguely like he was supposed to say something comforting, but he'd never been all that good with words, except for the don't-move-or-I'll-shoot variety. A bit awkwardly, he said, "I should let you rest; Fraiser'll kill me if I don't. See you tomorrow?"

"You aren't going to sit on me?" Daniel's smile was tired, but there was a flicker of mischief behind it all the same.

Jack rolled his eyes. "See you tomorrow?" he repeated.

"Yeah."

Jack started to leave, and at the doorway hesitated again. "What's it like?" he blurted.

Daniel, lost in thought, took a moment to answer. "What, the symbiote?"

"Yeah."

"It's...strange." Daniel spoke slowly, as if he hadn't been thinking about it, though knowing Daniel, he had. "Like I'm me and someone else at the same time. Like what I'm seeing is really two images, except it's the same thing; like I remember things that didn't happen, even though they did. And I *know* things that I didn't know before, that I shouldn't be able to know; it's not like reading a book about someone's life, because I've actually *lived* it, but at the same time it's completely new, simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar."

Jack tried to think about what that would be like, and then shook his head. He wasn't much for imagination, and the thought of a symbiote in his head just made him cold. "They'd better find a replacement host soon," he muttered. Daniel's expression darkened, but he said nothing, and Jack left without adding anything more.

* * *

Dr. Fraiser ran a lot of tests the following day; more, Jack suspected, for her own curiosity than for anything else. They'd gotten a limited amount of data on Goa'uld physiology from the tests run when Kawalsky had been taken, and from Sam's experience with Jolinar, but this was the first time a symbiote/host combination was available for study. And it was true study, this time, not the frantic scrambling to find answers in a crisis situation.

Jack didn't stay in the infirmary for any of it.

It was late in the afternoon when Fraiser finally released Daniel back to the VIP room he'd been assigned. When Jack poked his head in, Daniel was sitting at the desk with his head pillowed on his arms. "Hey."

"Checking up on me?" Daniel said, sounding amused.

Jack shook his head in automatic protest. "No! No. I'm just, uh. Being friendly."

Daniel shook his head. "Whatever you say, Jack," he agreed blandly.

"I'm allowed to be friendly."

"Sure."

"I wouldn't even *think* of coming here just to check up on you."

"Right," Daniel said, and grinned.

"So," Jack said after a moment's pause, with his best innocent look, "how're you doing?"

"Not checking up on me, huh?"

"Nope." Jack grinned at him. "Seriously, though. You okay?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" He raised his head and smiled wryly at Jack. "Yeah. A little tired, but okay."

"Good," Jack said, and came in to sit on the edge of the desk. "Busy?"

"Do I look busy?" Daniel asked wryly. "I've got some paperwork to take care of, and some projects I could work on, but-- Fraiser's put me on medical leave, and said I shouldn't work too hard."

"She's probably right. She is, after all, a doctor."

Daniel smiled again, and his head dropped back down. "I'll keep that in mind, next time she tells you to do something you don't want to do."

"Well, she's not right *then*," Jack said defensively, and Daniel gave a muffled laugh. "Is there anything I can get you, or do for you, or..." He shrugged. "Anything?"

"Not really." Daniel shrugged without lifting his head. "I wish I could go home, though."

"You can't go offbase," Jack said automatically.

Daniel gave him a half-annoyed look. "Thank you, Jack, I hadn't figured that out."

"Right," Jack said. "Sorry." Daniel wasn't an enemy, and wasn't being treated as one; but he was somewhat of a security risk, and they all knew that. The two guards posted outside his room had to be a constant reminder.

Daniel smiled, humorless but not bitter. "It's okay. Fraiser wants to run even more tests, and anyway, I wouldn't be allowed--" He broke off, looking away. He was silent for a moment, and then said, "It's just... been a while, that's all."

"Yeah," Jack said, "it has." He reached out to touch Daniel's face, a reassuring gesture that they both needed. "We'll get you out of here soon," he said, a bit lamely.

"I know." Daniel's eyes closed, and his hand came up to cover Jack's. "I'll be all right, Jack. I promise."

Of course he would. He was Daniel--

*Not just Daniel,* a voice in the back of Jack's head whispered. *Not any more.*

Jack pulled back abruptly, only barely keeping himself from jerking away. "I should go. Ah, that is -- there are things I need to do --"

"Jack, wait." Daniel sat up straighter, frowning. "Stay. Please?"

"-- paperwork, of course," Jack continued, edging towards the door. "You know how the army loves that stuff. There's paperwork for things we actually do, and paperwork for the paperwork, and paperwork to get a bandaid for the papercut you get from the paperwork..." He trailed off, and flashed a smile that was meant to be encouraging but that only darkened Daniel's frown. "I'll be back tomorrow."

Daniel nodded. The expression on his face was the one he got when things were clicking into place -- and it wasn't a particularly happy place. "I see," he said at last. "Is it the symbiote you've got a problem with, or is it me?"

Jack blinked. Daniel stood up, arms crossed. He was obviously waiting for an answer, not letting the silence slide by. "I have no problems with Daniel," Jack said at last, reluctantly. Another pause, and it was evident Daniel expected him to continue. Slowly, thickly, he said, "but you're... not."

"Not Daniel," Daniel echoed flatly. "Damn it, Jack!" For the first time since coming back, Daniel exploded, his anger almost tangible. He reached out, hand closing around Jack's arm, pulling him back. "I am still *me*."

"Are you?"

"Jack. Look at me." He was still holding firmly onto Jack's arm; with the other hand, not entirely gently, Daniel turned Jack's head so that their eyes met. "I'm the same person I was before. Maybe I have a temporary passenger, but that changes nothing."

"Passenger? That's not what I'd call it." Jack twisted away from Daniel's touch. "Spy? New personality?"

"Passenger," Daniel repeated firmly. "The symbiote is not controlling me, and is respecting my privacy in all ways."

"Is he now."

Daniel glared at him for a long moment; then he bowed his head. When he looked up again, his eyes flashed gold, and his voice was the deeper rumble of a symbiote. "Daniel Jackson is correct. I am not interfering with his life or thoughts. I am a guest here, and am behaving accordingly."

"Yeah." Jack tilted his head. "If you're so *polite*, how did you know what we were talking about?"

Daniel's eyes flashed again. He shook his head, and resumed speaking in his normal voice. "Give it a rest, Jack. God! I can't believe this."

"What did you expect?" Jack said, before he could think about it. "You aren't human."

Daniel went white with a cold, rigid anger. "Neither is Teal'c."

"That's different," Jack said. "I'm not... I mean, I don't... There isn't the same connection. Not with him. Besides, he's Jaffa, not a snakehead. Junior isn't controlling him."

"Kanan isn't controlling me."

"How can I know that?" Jack glared at him. "How can *you* know that?"

"Because I *do*, okay? Because I can feel it. Because I know my own head. But if you're going to be like this..." Daniel shook his head, looking disgusted. "Get out of here."

*No,* Jack wanted to say. *Let me stay. I miss you. I need you.* But he didn't say those things; he never could say those things. Instead, he said, "Sure," diffidently, like it didn't matter, and walked away.

* * *

The next day, Jack thought several times about going to see Daniel, to see how he was doing. Each time, though, he remembered the look in Daniel's eyes when he'd sent Jack out. And he had enough paperwork to serve as an excuse; what he'd said to Daniel hadn't been an exaggeration. So each time, after a few moments of dithering, he went back to the paperwork, promising himself that the next time he thought of it, he *would* go.

He would have, except that Daniel came to him first.

Daniel stood silently in the open doorway, hands clasped behind his back and flanked by the two guards, until Jack acknowledged him with a nod and a calm, "Daniel."

"Hey, Jack."

Daniel didn't say anything further. Jack glanced up at him; Daniel hadn't moved out of the doorway. "You know, I'm kind of surprised," he said conversationally. "Your Tok'ra friends haven't called yet."

Daniel looked unhappy for a moment, and then his expression was smoothly blank again. "There's no reason why they should. I mean, they haven't had much time to find a new host. They said they'd call in a week if they hadn't found a host yet--"

"If?" Jack repeated darkly, and then shook his head. "The *point* is, I thought Kanan had all this information they wanted."

"He did." Daniel frowned, like Jack was missing something obvious. "They questioned me about it, got the information out, before they let me come back."

Jack felt abruptly cold. "They *what*?" he snarled, before getting a rein on his temper again. Stiffly, trying for a joking tone, he said, "You didn't give away state secrets, did you?

Daniel smiled humorlessly. "Don't worry. They only wanted Kanan, not me. There weren't any questions about the SGC."

"Sure. So what *did* they ask?"

"You know I won't answer that."

"Yeah. Figured." Jack shrugged. "I had to ask, though."

"Of course you did," Daniel said flatly.

Jack sighed, signed the last piece of paperwork with a tired flourish, and devoted his full attention to Daniel. "So if you didn't come to tell me about *that*, why're you here?"

"I wanted to talk."

"You're talking," Jack pointed out.

"Not really." Daniel turned his head, half-looking at the two guards. "I'd like to speak to him alone, please," he said quietly.

The airmen looked at Jack for confirmation. Jack gave them a permissive wave. "It's okay. Wait outside."

Daniel closed the door behind them as they left. He hesitated before turning back, and when he spoke, his voice had changed. "Colonel O'Neill."

Jack went still and cold. "Kanan," he said neutrally.

"I apologise for any deception. I led you to believe that it was Daniel who wished to speak with you. That was incorrect. The initiative for this was mine, not his. I could not think of any other way of speaking alone with you."

"Does Daniel know?"

Daniel/Kanan looked almost startled. "Yes. Daniel Jackson knows my intentions and planned actions, and consents. I would not be here otherwise."

Jack wasn't convinced, but he didn't press it. "Fine. You're here, you want to talk to me? Talk."

Daniel/Kanan sat down. The posture was -- unnervingly, though not unsurprisingly -- not Daniel's. "I am familiar with you, by reputation. Many of the Tau'ri who travel through the Stargate are known to us. But even if this were not so, I am not so ignorant of Tau'ri emotional reactions that I would miss your...antagonism towards the Tok'ra. And in particular, towards me." He gave a slight, wry grin. "You are not satisfied with this arrangement."

"How could you tell?" Jack muttered. "No, I'm not. In more ways than one."

"I think I can name two of the factors: I am Tok'ra, and I am in your..." He paused. "...friend. Furthermore, I am aware of your feelings towards Daniel Jackson, and certainly that is not helping matters."

"My--" Jack sat stiffly upright, glaring at Daniel/Kanan. "That's none of your damn business."

"Agreed," he replied smoothly. "However, it is to a certain extent unavoidably my business. What my host feels, I feel, and vice versa. It is a fact of our symbiotic nature, and cannot be altered by either symbiote or host."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "You still should stay out of his head," he snarled, knowing that it was an impossible request. "Anyway, my 'feelings', as you put it, are irrelevant. I'd be just as ticked if you were in Carter."

Daniel/Kanan's eyes closed briefly in acknowledgement, like a slight nod. "I understand. I merely wished to reassure you that I am giving Daniel as much privacy as is possible under the circumstances, and that when I am gone I will not speak of anything I have absorbed from his mind."

Jack gave a stiff nod. "By the way," he said, coldly casual, "when Thoran made this offer to us, he promised that if the Tok'ra could not find a replacement host, you would..." Sacrifice yourself, he wanted to say, but that was too blunt even for him. "...leave, regardless. Obviously we couldn't ask you whether or not you would."

Daniel/Kanan glared at him with a distinctly peeved expression. "I will hold to the bargain my people made with yours. However, I should inform you that Daniel and I have discussed this. His opinion is that I may stay in his body for as long as is necessary."

They had *talked*, Jack thought bitterly. Convenient, that it was the symbiote saying that, who had the most to gain by staying in Daniel and the most to lose by leaving him. "Is that so."

Daniel/Kanan's eyes flashed gold. "Yes, Jack, that is so," he snapped. His voice was normal again; this was Daniel speaking, not Kanan. "You have a problem with that?"

"Yes. I do, actually. Think about this. What Kanan said? It means you are *agreeing* to remain a Tok'ra."

Daniel's eyes blazed, though with pure human anger rather than influence of his symbiote. "I already am one," he shot back.

"*You* are *agreeing* to be -- to *remain* -- a *Tok'ra*."

"I don't see the problem with that."

"Dammit, Daniel, don't you get it? You can't go on active duty -- hell, you can't do even paperwork if it needs any clearance whatsoever -- while that thing's in your head."

Coldly, Daniel said, "'That thing' has a name."

"Fine." Jack narrowed his eyes. "As long as *Kanan* is inside you -- happy now? -- as long as he's there, you're *compromised*."

"So maybe I don't go on active duty for a while. So what? You expect me to let him die just for my convenience? I do *not* think my job is more important than a life. Besides, if Kanan hadn't been around and available, I wouldn't even be *alive*, and I don't think I could be on active duty while I'm *dead*."

"We would have found *something*," Jack said defensively.

"Oh, don't start. You know as well as I do that there was *nothing* that we could do. Nothing. I am *alive*, and I'd like to remain that way, thank you."

"You may be alive," Jack said, "but you're not you."

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," Jack said, automatically.

"Jack," Daniel said in a low dangerous tone.

"Okay, yeah, I have a problem. A normal, *healthy* problem with *symbiotes*." Jack drew the word out carefully; it felt like dirt in his mouth. "Who have a tendency to be, oh, I don't know, *evil*?"

"You really don't trust me, do you?" Daniel's eyes narrowed. "You trusted Teal'c five minutes after you met him, and he was one of the enemy's soldiers. For as long as you've known me--"

Jack corrected him: "I've known *you* for years, but the thing in your head I've known for less than a week, and gee, he's a *snake*, you wonder why I don't trust him?"

"He's not the one you need to trust. I am. How many times do I have to tell you he's staying out of my life, out of my head?"

"And how many times do I have to tell you that it doesn't *matter*? Goddammit, Daniel, he's a goa'uld. He may be Tok'ra, but he's still a Goa'uld, and I don't trust them as far as I can throw them."

"And so you don't trust me."

"Honestly?" Jack snapped. "No. I don't."

The shift from Daniel to Kanan was obvious, as he went from simmering anger to a careful neutrality. "Thank you for your time, Colonel O'Neill. I... enjoyed... this talk with you. It was most illuminating. I trust our positions are now clearer?" He stood, inclining his head slightly as he smiled with the usual Tok'ra arrogance, and left.

"Yeah," Jack said to himself, once Daniel/Kanan was gone. "Real clear."

* * *

Three days later, Thoran came through the gate to finally say the words Jack wanted to hear: "We have found a replacement host for Kanan. Presuming, of course, that the current host doesn't want to remain--"

"He doesn't," Jack interrupted firmly, and glared at Daniel, daring him to contradict.

"I would prefer to hear it from him," the Tok'ra said smoothly. "Your opinion is well-known, Colonel O'Neill, and does not need repeating."

Daniel matched Jack's glare, but when he spoke his voice was pleasant and controlled. "If the transfer can be done without injury to the symbiote or to the new host, then it probably would be better to let Kanan be in a host that can actually *be* a Tok'ra."

"Understood. I will give your computer the coordinates to where we are going. If you will come with me, we will begin the procedure."

"Thank you," Daniel said.

"About damn time," Jack muttered.

* * *

Daniel was able to walk out through the gate, this time, instead of being carried, and he wasn't gone for nearly as long. When he came back through, he gave Hammond a tired nod. "It's done," he said.

Hammond nodded his acknowledgement. "Doctor Fraiser wants to see you."

"Of course," Daniel said, with a faint smile.

There were as many tests, this time around: verifying that Kanan was gone, that no trace of the symbiote remained, that Daniel had no permanent damage from the process. When Fraiser was finally sure that Daniel was back to normal, she dismissed him -- and Jack, who had been hovering in what he hoped was an unobtrusive manner. "Unless you'd like to stay," she added, with a mischievous smile in Jack's direction. "I'm sure I could find something for you too."

"No thanks," Jack said quickly. "Daniel! Drive you home?"

Daniel looked at him for a long moment, then shook his head. "My car's here. I might as well drive." He shrugged his jacket on, fishing for the keys.

Fraiser opened her mouth to say something, but Jack beat her to it, snatching the keys away with a reproving look. "Ah-ah-ah! Nope. Friends don't let friends drive symbioted."

Fraiser closed her mouth, obviously fighting a smile. Daniel said, "I'm not."

"But you were." Jack grinned at him and gave his shoulder a friendly slap. "Don't argue. You know I'll win."

Daniel snorted and shook his head, but didn't contradict him. "I guess I'm not really up to driving," he said reluctantly.

"Cool." Jack glanced at Fraiser, who gave him a look he couldn't quite interpret, and then walked out, Daniel close behind him. He felt like whistling cheerfully. Daniel was back -- *his* Daniel, not the blended not-quite-Tok'ra -- and things were back to normal.

* * *

Except that things weren't back to normal, quite.

Daniel was stubbornly silent the entire drive home. Silence wasn't necessarily unusual for him -- he wasn't a nonstop chatterbox like some people Jack had known -- but there was an almost tangible tension in the car. Jack pulled into the driveway and was out of the car almost before he had the engine off, but Daniel didn't make a move to get out.

Jack tapped on the window to draw Daniel's attention. "You coming?"

Daniel looked at him for a long moment before giving a resigned shrug and starting to move. Jack wanted to touch him, needed the contact that he'd been missing, but Daniel was looking somewhat withdrawn. Jack shoved his hands into his jacket pockets instead and walked ahead to unlock the door.

Daniel, when he came in, had an odd expression on his face that Jack couldn't decipher. He paused for a moment on the threshold, watching Jack, and then brushed past him without a word. His whole body tense, he moved to the far side of the room, staring out the window. Jack started towards him and then stopped, uncertain. Daniel's head was bowed; between the short haircut and the low neck of his shirt, the nape of his neck was easily visible. There were no marks there. A Goa'uld would have left a scar -- Jack found his hand drifting to the back of his own neck.

Daniel half turned around, looking sideways at Jack. "You're still bothered by this, aren't you?"

"No," Jack said automatically, then floundered. "I mean... bothered by what?"

Daniel turned the rest of the way around. There was something cool and almost unfriendly in his eyes. "What if I told you that Kanan was still here?"

Slowly, not wanting to comprehend, Jack said, "Still here?"

With a slow blink, Daniel tapped his temple. "Here."

"In your head."

"Yes."

Jack shook his head. "Fraiser tested you. You're clear. He's gone."

"The symbiote is. Kanan isn't."

"...huh?"

Daniel took two steps forward, more animated than he'd been since coming back. "You thought this came without consequences? That once I was better, once Kanan was gone, I would be the same person I was before?"

"Well...yeah."

"What, because the Tok'ra told you that?" Daniel's expression was heavily ironic. "You believed them?"

Jack was silent for a moment. "What happened to the whole I'm-still-Daniel thing?"

"I am. Still Daniel, I mean."

"But you're also still Kanan," Jack said.

"No."

Jack blinked. "Daniel? You're, uh, contradicting yourself." He almost smiled.

Daniel didn't seem amused. "I am not Kanan. Kanan is, however, still part of me. Remember how long Sam was having flashbacks to Jolinar?"

"I like to forget it, as often as I can."

"I see." Daniel's expression closed up more.

Jack held up his hands, trying to be placating. "Look-- Daniel-- I didn't hold the whole Jolinar thing against Carter, I'm not going to hold this against you, all right?"

"You also hadn't been kissing Carter." He paused, and then adding parenthetically, "You weren't, were you? --and, uh, Carter didn't choose to be Tok'ra. I did. That bugs you, doesn't it?"

"No."

"Then, kiss me."

Jack blinked at the abrupt change of subject. "I'm sorry?"

"Kiss me. Without flinching, without pulling back, without thinking of the Tok'ra at all."

Jack hesitated for a long moment, then to prove that Daniel was wrong, he closed in. In a single swift movement he framed Daniel's face with his hands and kissed him, fierce and unhesitating. "See?" he murmured against Daniel's mouth.

Daniel relaxed abruptly against him, returning the kiss with equal desperation. It had been too long, and they both needed it. Jack could feel Daniel moving closer to him, pressing their bodies together. It was good, it was normal--

\--and then Daniel's tongue slipped past Jack's lips into his mouth, an equally familiar action that somehow felt too wrong. Jack reacted on instinct. Before he realized he had moved, he had pushed Daniel away and was bracing for a fight.

Daniel hesitated a moment. "Yeah," he said at last. "I see."

"Daniel--"

"Don't. Just, don't, okay?" Daniel stepped back, angry and distant, putting space between them. "You don't trust me. Fine. You don't trust *yourself* enough to know the difference between me and someone who just looks like me. Fine."

"That's not--" Jack protested automatically.

"Isn't it?" Daniel shook his head, glaring defiantly at him. "I didn't give up on Sha're, not once, and she was a *Goa'uld*, taken by force -- but I knew she was in there somewhere, and I never. Stopped. Trying. And you! When...when the knowledge of the Ancients got dumped into your head, and it was changing your personality as much as anything else, I *didn't* give up on you, didn't treat you like you'd turned into someone else. God, you are such an *asshole* sometimes. I'm. Still. Daniel. The fact that I had a Tok'ra in my head for a few days -- *to save my own life* -- doesn't change that! I'm still who I was before this happened, I'm still who I was while Kanan was in there. The only difference is, I have a few more memories."

Jack tilted his head. "You have his memories, and you still claim you haven't been changed?"

Daniel muttered under his breath, something that sounded like a curse word even though it wasn't one that Jack recognized. "I'm the same person I've always been, and if you can't accept that--" His mouth snapped shut, leaving the rest of the sentence unspoken. Furious, he whirled to leave.

Jack stared after him. "Daniel." Daniel didn't respond or even slow down, and that launched Jack out of his paralysis. "Goddammit, Daniel!" He took two long strides forward, grabbed Daniel's arm, and spun him around. Daniel shrugged out of Jack's grip but didn't turn away again.

"It has nothing to do with trusting you," Jack said intensely, "or trusting myself. It's about trusting a Tok'ra, and one, I might add, that got his host *killed* on the last mission; maybe it wasn't his fault, maybe it was, I don't know, but if he couldn't keep *that* host alive, how can I be sure he'd be able to keep *you* alive? How can I trust him? Look... I can't change who I am or how I think or what my instincts tell me. I can't. But I can control who I love and dammit, Daniel, I am *never* going to walk away from you."

For a long moment, Daniel didn't move. Jack watched him intently, trying and failing to read the thoughts flickering behind his eyes. Then Daniel said, very softly, "Sam said you were against this from the start. That if you'd made the call..."

He didn't finish the sentence, but he didn't need to. Jack knew what he was saying. Just as softly, he said, "Yeah."

Daniel's expression was still indecipherable. "You thought I would rather be dead?"

Jack swallowed hard. Put like that, it sounded brutal. At last he looked away, and muttered, "It's what I would have wanted."

There was silence for a long moment. Jack didn't want to look up, but he could feel Daniel's gaze on him. When Daniel spoke, it wasn't in response to that, but it was so carefully casual that it had to have been deliberate. "The Tok'ra offered me a position in their ranks."

Jack went cold. "You said no, right?" Daniel didn't respond. Sharply, Jack repeated, "Right?"

Daniel was silent for a moment more, and then sighed. "Yes, Jack, or I wouldn't be here. But... I had to think about it. A lot."

"What's there to think about? You've already got a position. Here."

"Yeah, for what it's worth," Daniel said with surprising bitterness. "'A position.' I'm a scientist in a military team, a geek where you need a fighter."

Jack shook his head. "You handle yourself well enough." *And,* he added silently, *you don't need me to tell you that.*

Daniel looked sideways at him, frowning. "Yeah, but in some sense it *isn't* enough. I don't have the training, the instincts. I'm not saying you want me off the team, I'm not saying I want off; but, God, Jack, I'm less *necessary* as time goes on. We aren't finding that many new cultures any more; we're dealing more and more with existing ones, with places we've seen before and with Goa'uld we know far too well and with -- with the NID stuff here on Earth. I can't be what the SGC needs most. Even you have to see that."

"What," Jack said dryly, "and being a Tok'ra would fix that? Daniel, don't--"

Daniel didn't wait for him to finish, interrupting with a quiet, "It might."

"You *can't* be serious," Jack said; but Daniel turned, and his eyes were completely serious. "You honestly considered *staying* a Tok'ra?"

"You have a problem with that?" Daniel asked challengingly. "A *rational* problem?"

"Yes, dammit, I do." Jack pressed forward, getting as physically close as Daniel would let him. "One: You're a member of SG-1, you always will be, *nothing* will change that; and if you become a Tok'ra, we will lose a very valuable part of the team, and I don't *give* a damn that you aren't military, you *are* valuable. Two: This arrangement saved your life, fine, but what do you get out of being Tok'ra? Is it worth being away from Earth, from the SGC, from everyone you know here? Three," he continued before Daniel could respond to that, "you wouldn't -- I mean, I wouldn't -- I mean -- oh, to hell with it."

Jack cupped Daniel's face between his hands and kissed him; it wasn't a long kiss, but it was deep and fierce and filled with all the reasons Jack couldn't quite put to words. Breathing heavily, he pulled back just far enough to look into Daniel's eyes. Quietly, he said, "There are some things Tok'ra can't do."

Daniel licked his lower lip, still looking unhappy. "What do you want, Jack?"

Jack said the first thing that came to mind: "You."

Daniel leaned forward and kissed him gently, then backed away. "It's late," he said, almost evasively. "I should go."

"You don't have to," Jack said.

Daniel's eyes fluttered closed for a minute as he collected himself. "I love you," he said at last. His voice was quiet, but steady. "And I'm not... I won't, can't, stop."

There was an unspoken *but...* at the end of that. Jack waited, but Daniel just moved forward, heading for the door. Jack stepped in his path and put one hand flat on his chest. "Don't," he said, not quite begging. *Don't leave, don't do this. Don't walk away, not now, not like this. Please.*

Daniel just looked at him, expression flat and hard and distant. Reluctantly, Jack stepped away, and without a word Daniel brushed past him to the door, hesitating with his hand on the doorknob. He spoke without turning around. "I'll be back tomorrow. I promise. I just...need some time," he said. "Alone."

Jack wanted to fight it, but he knew no amount of arguing would sway Daniel. You couldn't regain your balance, he knew, while the ground under your feet was spinning out of control. You could only wait until it steadied again, and hope like hell there was still a place to stand. With a sigh he surrendered. "I'll drive you."

Daniel glanced back at him, surprised for a moment, and then thoughtful. He shook his head. "There's a bus."

"I don't mind," Jack said.

"I'll be fine," Daniel said, with an undercurrent of *please, Jack*. Jack, wordlessly, nodded at him.

Daniel stepped out, then hesitated for a moment, looking back at Jack, eyes bright. "You *have* me," he said, almost murmured. "You always have. You always will."

And then he was gone.  



End file.
